1. |
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After all this time, my heart still beats the same. I've never been so sure of anything.
I know that I'm not that good but i'm trying to be. i'm making progress, just way slower than I think.
I still remember the first time that I saw you.
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2. |
Wait, It gets worse!
03:23
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Even if I wrote a thousand words, they wouldn't matter to you. I swear i'm trying my hardest to make my life anew. These past 10 years i've lived 20 but this soul has always been empty.
Tear me down till i'm nothing but bone. Wear me out till you don't feel alone.
Stay safe. Stay away from me.
Sometimes, somethings aren't always as they seem. Sometimes, somethings aren't always meant to be.
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3. |
Can I pet that dawg?
02:39
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If nothing I say sounds sincere and I just say what you wanna hear, then why are you here?
i'm rotting at the soul, i've lost all control. There's nothing pure or innocent about this. Say you care, i'm not so sure that that's true. Lie to me, I wish you didn't have to.
Whats the point? There's nothing fair about this. Why try? Cos I still care about this.
I wish I didn't care anymore, it's not fair anymore.
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4. |
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So tell me what you want from me, I try my best to make you happy.
Is it love that I can't give? Or is it something more? The worthy arms of someone you adore?
I'll just go home and back to bed, complain about being sad and wanting death. It's all a ruse, i'll never make your skies blue.
So this is how it goes? Losing control while growing old?
I can't trust myself with anything, anymore. I'm not the same as I was before.
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5. |
High place phenomenon
01:41
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Walk by a cliff, think about jumping off. For a moment I see clarity.
I'm so scared of what you'd do if you knew how bad I get still. I'm afraid of what you'd say if you knew that I'm not okay.
High place phenomenon.
Walk by a cliff and jump.
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6. |
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I'm never happy, atleast not truly. It's how i've always been, broken and unclean.
I need you to trust me when I say i'm fine. I need you to love me all the time.
Everything's changing but i'm not. Everyone's happy but i'm not.
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7. |
Judge Bredd
02:12
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Maybe its not that bad. It doesn't rain everyday. It only rains most days.
Nothing's quite as sweet as being incomplete. Nothing's as severe as being insincere but honestly, you could lie to me and it wouldn't change a thing.
But what the fuck do I know? I don't know where I am, truth be told. Tell me how to get home, I don't know how to act on my own. Theres nothing you could ever do to ever make me hate you.
Turns out I know alot.
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8. |
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Growing old feels like a gamble and I can feel my body ache and self-destruct.
Just say that you'll be the one who saves me. Just say that you'll be the one who needs me.
Expectation vs reality. Slow progression is a formality.
Differences between now and then. Distances between if and when. Each passing night is a marker, a constant reminder that I get darker.
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9. |
Papa riff
03:13
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Is there anything that I can do to make your heart anew? Is there anything that I can say to make things more okay?
If I told you all the things you want me to would it even make a difference? If I told you all the things you want me to you'd just want more distance.
It's not like it's all my fault, we both share the blame. Toxic for each other but I dealt more pain.
Is there a happy ever after? Or just more of the same? An everyday reminder that nothing's gonna ever fucking change.
I can't breathe with this weight crushing me.
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10. |
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I don't want to wake up anymore. The constant pressure is too much to endure.
I know everything can't be my fault but it fucking feels like it is. How long before I call it quits?
I will feel
Abysmal Forever.
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Abysmal Grimsby, UK
3 sadbois with the coolest of jams
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